40+ Men and Online Dating

Exactly where do you go when you’re a single, 40+ man looking for love? If the bar scene is absolutely not an option and dating a coworker is taboo, how about online?

Over the years, Internet dating has shaken off much of the stigma of being the preferred method of meeting people for the “attractively challenged” or the would-be psychotics, thanks in part to sites like eHarmony and match.com.

eHarmony clients pay a rather sizeable fee for monthly or yearly membership. Members complete a fairly lengthy questionnaire and are then matched up with potential love candidates according to personality compatibility. While these methods don’t guarantee that a few more-than-emotionally-imbalanced individuals do not wind up on your match list, it does provide a more in-depth look into the hearts and souls of respondents, unless the members are being less than honest about who they are—a problem that’s quite common when playing the dating game. Still, online dating for some 40+ men is the favorable option.

“I find that online [dating] is a good way [to meet someone] because you can get to know a person somewhat and decide from there if you want to continue and see what happens next,” said a young man who goes by the moniker of Sonny_6_killer Shannon. “It is easier, too, and better because it’s easier to find someone, you have a better selection of people, and it’s easier to say hello and goodbye if needed.”

Shannon, 45, has been visiting a free Web site, plentyoffish.com, since mid- April in search of Ms. Right. To date, he still hasn’t found who he’s looking for. “I haven’t met anyone in person yet and haven’t had any experiences so far. My friends tell me I am somewhat picky,” he said with a laugh.

For many older men, communication is one of the main perks of dating online. Through IM (instant messaging) or e-mail, you have the opportunity to chat, exchange photographs, and determine whether or not the date is worth taking to the next level of a face-to-face meeting. If it isn’t, then the communication ends and the damage to emotions and feelings on both sides of the keyboard tends to be minimal.

For men like 55-year-old Dan W., a dating site is the way to go when there is a shortage of available women in the area. “I have been using [online dating sites] for two winters. I don’t use them much at all in the summertime. The town I live in is so small we don’t even have a stoplight. No joke! For me, online dating is just easier because there are no single women in my town,” he said.

But meeting women from other towns, cities, states, or even countries can also be a big setback if you’re lucky enough to finally find “the one.” Shannon said, “Distances can be an issue for the most part. I even e-mailed some women from China.” Dan W. agreed. “Say there is a great woman who lives 100 miles away. Just a perfect fit, but because of the distance your chances of meeting her out and about are pretty slim. The online thing bridges the distance gap sometimes.”

He added, “Distance has been a factor, but finding a woman who is looking for the same thing in life—that’s hard.”

In any dating venue, finding that special someone who shares your interests and with whom you are compatible can be a major challenge. But there are some men who feel that meeting compatible women online is a much better option. Shannon said, “A friend suggested online dating to me because it was so difficult finding someone here who was compatible.”

Dan W. said that it’s a process that requires patience and persistence. “For the most part, the women I have met are great women. I have made many friends online, just not the right lady yet,” he said.

While the process is slow and not as direct as building up the nerve to walk up to a woman in the grocery store or at a nightclub, Shannon and Dan W. each see positives in using online dating as an option to finding love. “I’m sure I’d want to recommend [dating online]. I do think it’s possible to find a serious relationship online,” Shannon said.

Dan W. seemed a little more conflicted. “I have used a few [dating sites] but won’t in the future. You find the same people on all of them,” he said. “But I would recommend it. There are so many different types of people online.”

So, to you more seasoned single gentlemen (and ladies) who are ready to wade out into the shark-infested waters of dating, here are a few pointers for a more pleasant online dating experience.

Investigate a number of sites
There are zillions of them, and some even cater to specific preferences, including White men who date Black women, Harley riders, or single parents and interracial and Christian-based online dating services. Bear in mind that sites that charge tend to have a more serious and select array of members versus free dating services.

Know who you are
Once you’ve found a site, you’ll need to compose your profile. Your profile is your selling tool. Use wit and humor to creatively paint an attractive picture of yourself. First and foremost, be honest. You don’t have to tell all of your personal information, but be truthful about the fundamentals like your personality, height, weight, and habits.

Know what you want
Are you seeking a long-term relationship or just a friendship? Are you looking for a buddy to explore hobbies and interests with? In your profile, be descriptive and specific about what you like and what you enjoy doing to attract those with similar interests. Use confident and positive words. Find a tactful way to point out the qualities or characteristics you don’t like.

Post a picture
Profiles with pictures do tend to get many more responses than profiles without them, according to plentyoffish.com. Also, use a picture that’s no more than a year old.

Take your time
When you connect with someone who interests you, go slow. Chat for a while. Find out commonalities and quirks. Some people communicate for a month or more before meeting face to face. Regardless of whether or not that works for you, don’t rush into anything.

Above all else, be patient. Dating is a process and finding that special someone takes time. With patience and persistence, you just may find the love of your life online. If not, there’s always speed dating! ¶